Posts Tagged ‘wholeness’

Towards an Evolving Wholeness, Part 1

February 19, 2014

What do I mean when I use the term “evolving wholeness” and refer (as I did in “Shadowland, Part 2”) to seeking a sense of wholeness? Words are slippery things, and nowhere is that more true than when using them in a psycho-spiritual context. Do I mean “authentic”? Yes, authenticity begins to get at it. But if being authentic is being genuine, true, and a real representation of something/someone, then true to what, a real representation of what? And does being genuine encompass enough? For that matter, does “whole” quite get at it?

I want to be clear about this before delving into the issue of how one accomplishes this sense of wholeness. The kind of authenticity or wholeness I am pointing at (and we can only manage the equivalent of pointing at the moon here) is one that represents the person as both fully human and thoroughly divine. It is the self exposed, without layers of persona, with the shadow revealed, with the dysfunctional parts in the process of being healed. We’re human. There will be some persona. There will be some shadow. There will be some dysfunction. But when we are seeking an evolving wholeness, we are seeking to become as true to pure soul in flesh as possible. And it is evolving because we are not fixed, but evolving.

Another way of saying this is that when we are evolving in wholeness, we emanate (not approximate, not give the appearance of, but emanate) more of what I believe is the prima materia of the universe: love.

In my model of the way things work, there is no one route to wholeness, no single right way to become the highest human version of ourselves. The road back to ourselves is the same road we took when we fled ourselves, and that road is unique for everyone. But there are some time-tested methods that may be helpful to the pilgrim on that road. And this will be the subject matter for the next few posts.

Two very simple things can help anyone on that road. They may not meet the test of sufficiency, but they could easily be considered requisite. They are centering/grounding and clearing. I have discussed both of these in earlier posts (centering and grounding in a January 16, 2009 post and hucha clearing in a January 31, 2010 post), but they warrant a repeat discussion. They are that important.

When asked, many people will say that they know how to center and ground. But I have often had the experience of being met with silence when I ask a person who says they know about centering and grounding for the specifics of how they do that. I’m going to provide a very stripped down, simple version of it here.

Centering and Grounding

• Stand in a relaxed posture, spine straight, knees soft. (Once you have learned how to center and ground in a standing position, you will find that it is easy to also center and ground from a seated position. Just be sure your spine is straight and your feet connect with the floor or earth.) Close your eyes if you wish.
• Notice your breathing. Allow it to become relaxed. Allow your belly to expand on the in-breath and contract on the out-breath, but don’t work at it. Just relax into it.
• Turn your attention to that part of your body that is about two inches below your navel and just in front of your spine. This is your center. Just turning your attention to it will center you.
• Now, maintaining the awareness and stability of being centered, imagine that you are a tree. Image your roots going deep into the earth. Feel the solidity of your tree self, stretching upwards to the sky and sinking deep into the earth. Nothing can uproot you easily. You are well anchored. You are grounded.
• Take a moment to feel the power of being centered and grounded before returning your attention to the larger world around you. Bring that sense of being centered and grounded with you.

There are many ways to clear yourself energetically, mentally, emotionally, and/or physically. Here is one simple way to clear yourself energetically.


• Stand or sit in a relaxed posture, with your spine straight and feet flat on the floor or earth. Center and ground.
• Feel or imagine your energy body, the bubble of energy that surrounds and is a part of your physical body. Notice anything that is dark, heavy, cloudy, overly hot or cold, or otherwise less than vibrant and healthy.
• Allow your crown chakra (the energy center at the top of your head) to open. Invite pure, divine energy to permeate your energy body, traveling from your head downward, taking anything that is dark, heavy, cloudy, overly hot or cold, or otherwise less than vibrant and healthy with it.
• Let that pure, divine energy carry the energetic debris all the way down your body and out through your feet, traveling past floors or ground, deep into the earth. Know that Mother Earth will gladly take this energetic debris and transform it into clear, pure, usable energy.
• Allow that clear, pure energy to rise up from Mother Earth and permeate your body.
• Continue this process until you feel clear. Express gratitude to the source of the pure, divine light and to Mother Earth.

These two practices will not, by themselves, take you all the way on the road back to yourself, but they can help you make your way back and help you stay on that path, moving along. They are self-validating. You will be able to experience the positive effects of employing them.

If you are already on the path towards evolving wholeness, perhaps you will recognize me on your way. If you are not yet on the path, step onto it and join us.

Copyright 2014 by Melanie Mulhall


Shadowland, Part 2

January 12, 2014

Catching yourself in the act of thinking or behaving in a way that is based on something you have repressed or denied—shadow—is a beginning. But what do you do next? And is awareness enough? 

The first thing to do when you catch yourself in shadowland is to be kind to yourself. Self-recrimination seldom helps. By that, do I mean that you should never feel guilt or remorse? No, that is not what I am saying. Guilt and remorse can alert you to the fact that some thought or behavior does not square with your internal value system, your sense of appropriateness and integrity. But as mechanisms to alert you, they need to be attended to and then put aside. 

If you use an alarm clock to alert you to the fact that it is time to get up, do you let it continue to beep after you wake up? No. You turn it off. It has done its job. Imagine telling yourself that you need to let the beeping continue, just to make sure you don’t oversleep tomorrow.  Or worse yet, imagine deciding that you need to let it keep beeping just to punish yourself for not getting up without it. To do so would be an act of aggression against yourself. And do you really need to be at war with yourself? 

Use that moment of awareness as an opportunity to be kind to yourself. Also use it as an opportunity to look at the choices you have made and consider whether you might want to make new choices. Those choices might be straightforward and simple or they might complex and challenging; they might be easy or difficult to enact. At the very least, appreciate the fact that you have actually caught yourself in the act of thinking or doing something based on old defense mechanisms. Without having done that, you would not be in a position to make new choices. 

This is no small thing because awareness means vulnerability. To be aware is to open yourself to being touched by both the external world and the internal one. There is a quality of defenselessness to that and, therefore, vulnerability. And once you have had that moment of awareness, there is no going back. You cannot become unaware of whatever it is you have just become aware. You may shut that awareness down and try to retreat to the cocoon, but you cannot eradicate that moment of awareness you have just had. 

Further, awareness has a way of expanding. You don’t simply become aware of your own internal state of affairs and your own behavior, you begin to become more aware of the world around you. And you don’t simply become aware of everything painful and problematic, focusing only on that, nor do you simply become aware of what is uplifting and delightful, focusing only on that. You become aware of everything, and you allow yourself to be touched by everything in that awareness. You will find that you are up to the challenge, that you can actually allow yourself to experience life as it is without dying or becoming overwhelmed and retreating. Abandoning the armor, even just at times, frees up an enormous amount of energy, and having freed up energy feels good. 

It is a beginning. As you become aware and make new choices, you become cognizant that you are interacting within two important relationships: the relationship with yourself and the relationship with the world (or more accurately, the relationship with everything other than yourself). Not only do you become aware of these two relationships, you may even become aware that within each of these relationships, you are interacting with what is visible and physical and with what is invisible and nonphysical (or energetic). 

As your awareness expands, it helps to avoid intellectualizing about it and just enter into a state of curiosity. Each of the relationships you are becoming curious about has dimensionality, a kind of dimensionality that transcends the three dimensions we usually think of. Each has depth and breadth. That is, each can be shallow or deep, broad or narrow. But neither a cube nor a sphere describes them. A spiral, expanding in both directions but otherwise in the form of a double helix, might be a better image, though even that does not quite capture it because any kind of spiral we can image is locked into three dimensions. 

What are you seeking, whether or not you realize it, through these relationships? You are seeking a sense of wholeness. But this is not a fixed wholeness, it is an evolving one. And how do you attain that sense of wholeness? You attain that sense of wholeness by healing yourself and your relationship with everything else. This is an interactive affair. As you heal your relationship with yourself, it impacts your relationship with everything else, and as you heal your relationship with everything else, it impacts your relationship with yourself. 

Awareness begins the process; an evolving wholeness is what you are pulled to.

Copyright 2014 by Melanie Mulhall

Getting Out of the Cocoon, Part 2

August 25, 2013

What kind of questions do we begin to ask? Many of us—maybe most of us—don’t begin with broad, sweeping questions: Who am I? Why am I here? What is the nature of reality? These are not the questions that usually first confront us when we finally pause and pay attention. No. The questions we begin to ask ourselves are often much narrower, much closer to our everyday lives: Why did I snap at her when she said that to me? What now (that I’m divorced/have lost my job/have retired)? Why am I sad/angry/empty/unfulfilled/anxious right now (or all the time)? Who am I trying to please by doing this? Where should I look for an answer to this problem? When will I finally find some peace?

These are the kinds of questions that begin to plow up the soil in the field of your life. But whether you just scratch the surface or plow deeply depends, in part, on whether you return to the same defensive strategies you’ve been using as you pursue the answers to your questions.

Why did I snap at her when she said that to me? The answer might be one of the following: Because she’s an idiot. Because this is really none of her business. Because she keeps nagging about that. Because she’s wrong. Because I know more about this than she does. Because she just doesn’t know what I’m up against. Any of those might be perfectly rational answers on any given occasion. Or they might have seemed perfectly rational at one time, but not now.

You may begin catching yourself in the act of responding in all too familiar ways that are predictable and either feel more defensive than rational or don’t feel representative of your best. And when you catch yourself recognizing something old and a little bit putrid in your answers, you can bet that there is at least one dead body in that field you’re beginning to plow—probably more than one. And however many there are, they are all you, versions of yourself it’s time to heal and integrate in the bid for power (in shamanic terms) that is a movement towards wholeness.

There is gold in that field you’re plowing, but it is probably not sitting close to the surface. You may have to plow deep. You may find yourself beginning with a timeworn answer, one you’ve trotted out again and again, probably with different people and in different circumstances. Then you stop. You discern a sense of futility to the answer, or discomfort, or hollowness. You may even have a sense of déjà vu. The answer you begin to give may feel true, in part, but shallow. Something in you is no longer satisfied with the same old answer.

If your skin begins to crawl and you realize you don’t actually have an answer, that very sense of “no answer” may feel like a black hole. And actually, that’s not a bad way to look at it.

At the risk of mixing metaphors with abandon (the field of your life with astronomical black holes), consider the black hole for a moment. I’m no scientist, so this is going to be expressed in the simplest of terms. A black hole is formed when a huge star is “dying.” It collapses and its matter gets squeezed into a small space. It becomes very dense and has immense gravity. It has such gravitational force, in fact, that its escape velocity (the speed needed to break away from that gravitational pull) is faster than the speed of light.

Well, sort of. You see, scientists talk about event horizons with black holes. The outer event horizon is at the edge of a black hole. If you were there, you could escape the gravitational pull. But the inner event horizon, which is in the middle layer of the black hole, has a gravitational pull too strong to escape. So we have the outer layer and the middle layer. “What’s in the center?” you ask. Thanks for asking. The center of a black hole is called the singularity. It is that very dense collapsed star. There’s no escaping that.

What does this have to do with the field of your life you’re beginning to plow with those questions? Everything, actually. Think of the center of the black hole, the singularity (a beautiful term when used as I’m about to), as your authentic self, the core of your being, your essential self without all the pain and unhealed issues. In short, you minus the baggage. That core has a gravitational pull that, once you have stepped beyond the outer event horizon, is inescapable.

When you begin to ask questions, you have arrived at the outer event horizon of your personal black hole. You can still escape the gravitational pull, but to do so, you will have to return to the same defense strategies that ultimately gave rise to the questions. If you begin to challenge your usual answers to those questions, you are mighty close to stepping beyond the outer event horizon. And when you do that, everything begins to change. You’re pulled right into that black hole. It’s scary, but you’re heading towards . . . the singularity.

To be continued.

Copyright 2013 by Melanie Mulhall