There is nothing like a shamanic journey for answers. Over the years, I have taken many journeys, both with the shaman to whom I was once apprenticed and on my own. The shamanic work I do with others routinely includes journey work, too, because I know that it is an efficient and effective way to get reliable answers to important questions about life. In my experience, those answers are sometimes quite literal, but they are often embedded in symbolism. One shamanic journey can have a profound effect on a person’s life. It can also unfold in that person’s consciousness over weeks, months, and even years.
I was hoping for some answers of the literal variety, but I knew that whatever came through in journey would be what I needed to experience. I specifically wanted to know what had caused that switch to flip right before my birthday, that internal understanding that it was time for me to go to an online dating site and begin engaging with men again. I also wanted to understand what was going on with me internally where Derek was concerned because I felt I’d been completely thrown off-balance by our interactions.
Once settled in the journey room, I felt the presence of Rolling Thunder, even before I left my body. He was chuckling. When I left my body, I felt it dissolving, leaving nothing but my heart–the heart that had been formed from a piece of the heart of my dragon power animal many years earlier. And I heard my dragon laughing too. Both Rolling Thunder and my dragon chuckling? I knew I was in for it.
A phoenix burst through my heart and shot up out of the room. I followed it and came to a stop at the portal. It had been many years since I had first stood before that portal. I paused to contemplate that before passing through it. Once I stepped through, I was immediately met by Rolling Thunder, and we were quickly joined by Black Elk and the guide I knew as Grandfather. The three took turns embracing me, and with those embraces, I felt both safe and protected. That sense of being protected by powerful men seemed to be important to the journey, and it was in stark contrast to the lack of feeling protected I had often experienced in my relationships with the men in my life. Was one of the messages that a different kind of man was showing up in my life?
Rolling Thunder laughed and stopped me as I began to explain why I had journeyed to them. They knew why I was there.
During the course of the journey, I was shown how soft, willing, and vulnerable my heart had been in early childhood, how often my heart had been broken, and how I had placed a protective covering over it only to have that covering dissolve when I had been in love with the important men in my life and then reconfigure itself with the next broken heart. My heart softened when I married my late husband, Howard, but the protective covering had not completely dissolved until the work of my apprenticeship had dissipated it for all times. And with Howard’s illness and death, my heart had cracked wide open.
I was shown that my heart was big enough to embrace the entire world, but that it was now to be blasted open further, allowing it to embrace the universe. And it was the liaison with Derek that would generate this further blasting open of my heart.
Black Elk told me that my energy had been very connected with God and the spiritual realm for quite some time. That had been good and appropriate, but it was now time for that energy to come back into my body. I had amassed great power through this connection with the divine, but for my personal power–my life force energy–to develop further, it was vital that it be brought back down to Earth and into the four components of my being (mind, body, spirit, and emotions). Black Elk referred to me as a nuclear power plant and said that Derek was my source of ignition. The image he gave for Derek’s role was a stick of dynamite. I had no trouble believing that. My pairing with Derek had the effect of generation, according to Black Elk. He did not use the word regeneration or regenerative but generation. There was, he said, great vitality to it, great synchrony.
My understanding of what I was being told was that what I needed to develop further was the human-to-human element with a man who was in resonance with me, who activated the juicy human connection I had been lacking, and who also had the ability to activate and trigger the further integration of mind, body, spirit, and emotions. This was not a small thing.
I was shown that the “source of ignition” was, himself, a worthy consort, and he had the ability to handle the power in me that he was igniting. But I also had the sense that at least some of his work in serving as the source of ignition had already been completed.
I had picked up on past life connections with Derek in fleeting images, but I could not get a real fix on them. It was made clear to me that while there were indeed past life connections with Derek and the other men I had recently dated, it was unimportant at this time for me to remember any of them. The men and I had collaborated to effect the activation that was now happening. That was the important thing to understand.
As the journey progressed, I was not only given several other understandings, I was also given gifts to help me as I made my way through the process I was currently undergoing, including a jolt of lightning that knocked me on my butt, much to Rolling Thunder’s delight. It was not the first time I’d had that experience during journey, and the previous jolt had been nothing less than a quickening. This one had a similar effect.
The theme of generation infused everything in the meeting with my powerful guides, and it was clear that Derek was a critical component in what was transpiring. In fact, I was told that the generative effect was not just for me, but for him too.
When I passed back through the portal and reentered my body in the journey room, I felt enlivened and better prepared for whatever lay ahead. Besides, I had done shamanic work long enough to know that when the divine was involved and I was living out agreements made before I entered my body in this lifetime, I might as well surrender to it because what was unfolding would have its way with me.
And whatever this process of generation was about, it had already begun.
Note: The name Derek is fictitious and has been used out of respect for the man involved.
Copyright 2016 by Melanie Mulhall
Tags: apprenticeship, Black Elk, broken heart, dating over fifty, generation, generative, guide, life force energy, online dating, past life connections, power animal, Rolling Thunder, shaman, shamanic journey, shamanic work