Shaman Seeking Serious Relationship, Part 2

I was a dating site virgin. I had already decided that after too many years without a romantic relationship, I had regained my status as virgin from a sexual standpoint, but that actually seemed less problematic than being a dating site virgin. As a writer, putting together a profile should have been easy, but it was not. What was important to say about myself? What could wait until a man and I had gotten to know one another a bit? How does one collapse the complexity of a life into a few paragraphs?

The one thing I knew was that if I was going to do this, I was going to represent myself honestly. I stretched my neck to get the kinks out, sighed deeply, and began: I’m a writer, editor, and practitioner of shamanism who works out in the weight room, gardens, cooks, is into the arts, and otherwise lives a flagrantly robust life. My kind of guy is intelligent, funny, and kind.

It seemed a bit lame, even as a summary, but I was at a loss to summarize it in any better way. In my description of the kind of man I was looking for, I was very clear that health, robustness, and physical fitness are important to me. I also spoke of things like awareness, presence, intellectual horsepower, curiosity, and integrity. And after years of diverting men with whom I felt no chemistry, I ended that section by saying that there had to be chemistry between us.

In the section in which I could expand on whatever I wanted to say, I provided a bit more information about myself, including what I saw as the riskiest things to reveal: that I am a mystic with a shamanic worldview and that for me, everything is about energy.

I had only one photo I was willing to put up on the site, the same photo I used on my Facebook page. It was a few years old, but it at least looked like me. I would add more photos as I could.

The easiest parts of the submission process included personal information: what kind of relationship I was looking for, my occupation, my religious and political leanings, the color of my eyes and hair, my body type, whether I had children, and other details. There were also a few questions that addressed interests and personality.

It all felt artificial and I felt foolish participating in it, but I completed the profile and got offline. I didn’t even do a search of available men in my area. It was enough for one day, and signing up on this site was the oddest birthday present I had ever given myself.

I didn’t expect what happened next. When I went into my e-mail, I had numerous messages from the dating site saying that I had flirts, had been chosen as a favorite, and had messages from interested men. I went into the site and was overwhelmed by the amount of contact, so I texted two of my apprentices who had experience with dating sites. One of them texted me back joking that I was the most popular girl in school. The other reminded me that she had warned that online dating was a time-consuming thing, primarily because you have to weed through a lot of potential dates who aren’t right for you.

I was beginning to see what they both meant. I was the new girl in school, so for about thirty seconds, I was going to be very popular. In rather crude adult terms, we call that “fresh meat.” And now I understood why these sites can eat a lot of time: There is a lot of traffic on them.

There seemed to be an entire subculture comprised of people in my generation who were looking for love, or lust, or friendship . . . or something with the opposite sex, and they had been nowhere on my radar screen. Was I passing them with my cart in the grocery store? Were some of them at the gym? And had I just become one of them?


Copyright 2016 by Melanie Mulhall


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4 Responses to “Shaman Seeking Serious Relationship, Part 2”

  1. RosemaryC Says:

    I’m following your adventure with interest, Melanie. Some years ago I ventured online. Altho I met some men who were very nice, none were a match, and there were many who lied and misrepresented their intentions–or perhaps (to be more generous) represented themselves as they would like to be instead of as they were. I found most men of my general generation were looking for a very old-fashioned notion of relationship, which I could never consider. You are a warm, intelligent, attractive woman and I wish you great luck in your search–you deserve your heart’s desire!

    • Melanie Mulhall Says:


      I cannot disagree with anything you’re saying. And it is probably worse now. There are scammers out there. There are people who lie about something as simple as their age. And all the rest. And yes, it seems that there are a fair number of men who seem to want a woman to step in and adopt their lives. All of that said, it’s an adventure thus far. And I’m keeping an open heart. Thanks for reading and commenting.

  2. Says:

    This particular life adventure you are pursuing is making good reading. It is helping readers understand where the mature, well-seasoned (spiced?) singles are coming from. We all want and deserve respect, truth, joy, friendship and love. Making your heart and brain available for such is a brave thing to do. You honor us and more importantly yourself in writing about this. May the Stones bless your search and help you winnow out the chaff to find an equally openhearted connection.

    • Melanie Mulhall Says:

      Now that was a true blessing, my friend! Thank you for that, and I thank the Stones, too. Thanks for the feedback too. I cannot gauge if what I am writing comes across as self-involved drivel or something others may find interesting and useful. Winnowing out the chaff, knowing that my chaff may be someone else’s openhearted connection, is quite the process. And what I’m holding out for is that openhearted connection coupled with epic chemistry.

      Walk in Beauty

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