Archive for August, 2008

The Law Meets the Compulsion to Control

August 24, 2008

I have been working with it and teaching it for many years. Abraham provides a beautiful, simple description of it. The Secret made it a household name. What is it? The Law of Attraction.

I have a theory about why the Law of Attraction has become so hot: It feeds the human compulsion to control. It’s not that there is anything misguided or wrong with the Law of Attraction. It’s just that it tells only part of the story. And the part of the story it tells makes people fantasize that if they just have the right thoughts and if they just have the right feelings and if they just do the right things, then they can control everything around them.

Recently, I have been getting questions and complaints about the Law of Attraction from people I know. Some complain that it just doesn’t work or that it might work for others, but they cannot “make” it work for them. Some are confused about how, when, and in what way it works. Others suspect there is something important missing about it.

From my experience and vantage point, the Law of Attraction is real and valid. One of the most common problems faced by those trying to consciously understand and employ it is that they want to jump to the desired experience without acknowledging exactly where they are in the present moment. That’s one step that cannot be skipped. Another problem is the strength and consistency with which the person chooses the supportive thoughts and feelings. But both of those issues are dealt with beautifully by others, so I’m not going to spend time addressing them. There are a few other things going on that I will address?

So what else might be coming into play?

Among other things, there is the energetic impact of others–other people, other creatures, and everything else outside of us. We might have a certain amount of control over ourselves (and, in my opinion, we overestimate how much that is), and it is true that our energetic state impacts everything around us. But we cannot control everything around us. Change yourelf and you begin to change your experience. Believe that you can energetically wrestle the world around you by using the Law of Attraction as the equivalent of a half nelson and you are going to be disappointed with what you experience. At best, you will fail. At worse, you will experience a boomerang effect sock in the jaw.

There is us and there is “the other” impacting our experience. What else?

In my model of the Cosmos (formed, among other things, through mystical experience), there is also the larger energetic source of which we are a part, the numinous presence that is both imminent and transcendent. Might we have made some agreements before we came into human form that impact our experience here? Yes. Might there be larger plans at play? Yes. Is there something called Divine Timing? Absolutely.

We love to focus on our part, the part that has to do with our thoughts, feelings, and actions. We hate to accept that our part is only part of a larger body of influences that impact our experience. We hate it. We try to manipulate others. We try to beat Mother Earth into submission. We try to make deals with God. We want control over everything and the truth is, we don’t have control over everything.

There is a good reason to support and practice the principles that make up the Law of Attraction. For a species that has such a compulsion to control, we tend to exert control over our own thoughts and feelings shockingly little. Just attending to what we think and how we feel can change your life. Don’t believe it? Try it.

But our thoughts and feelings, along with our actions, make up a sweet little package that is only one part of the complex mix of energies that is the creative soup of our experience. So if you are struggling with the Law of Attraction, it might help to step back, take a deep breath, and accept the fact (shocking as it may be) that you are not in control of everything. And if you contemplate that for very long, you just might come to like the idea.

More Life Lesson from the Weight Room

August 3, 2008

I want to thank everyone who commented on the last post. It confirmed my belief that life, itself, will tell us everything we need to know if we are just paying attention.

Here are a few more lessons from the weight room.

You Will Be Asked to Take Risks

For many years, I had a small clipping on my refrigerator that I had taken from a magazine. It read, The Only Risk is Not Taking One. No, I don’t do extreme sports. I have climbed a Fourteener or two (that’s shorthand for one of Colorado’s 14,000 ft. mountains), but I don’t make a habit of taking risks just for the sake of taking risks. But life itself is a risk and a well-lived life requires a willingness to take frequent, calculated risks, as well as some that feel like a trusting jump into the abyss.

Even getting to the weight room in the first place is a risk. I really didn’t know until I tried it if weight resistance training was something I would love enough to do consistently so I could have the stronger body I wanted. It was. And while I will not suggest for a moment that I have a body to envy, it is stronger thanks to the training. Every time I have tried something new at the gym or increased the weight on a machine or the free weights, it has been a risk. Can I do it? Will I hate it so much I’ll avoid it? Will I embrace it? Will I stick with it?

In the gym, there are trainers to help us and colleagues to encourage us. In the rest of life, there are those to teach and encourage us as well. But we have to take the first step. We have to be willing to take the risk.

Meditation Can Be Practiced Anywhere

The gym is a very meditative place for me. Yes, I do sitting meditation, as well as other forms and other activities I view as meditation–including my workout in the weight room. Counting repetitions is similar to repeating a mantra, though, admittedly, one without the spiritual underpinnings. Not every weight room session is meditative, but they often are. What makes it so meditative? Well, for one thing, it’s pretty quiet in the weight room. While there is always a certain amount of chatter, most folks are intent on their workouts. And by intent, I mean focused. My own experience is that of turning inward, concentrating on what I am doing in the present moment, and keeping that focus relatively narrow during the practice. And, yes, there is the counting of repetitions.

Am I suggesting that I am not engaged in thinking? No. Just as with other kinds of meditation, the mind continues to think and, just as with other forms of meditation, I just choose not to pay attention to it.

To be sure, one can enter a meditative state practically anywhere (so long as it is mindfulness meditation when we are doing things like driving a vehicle). The weight room is just one example.
Meditation happens.

A Bit of Courtesy Makes Everything Run More Smoothly

Gyms have rules meant to make things run smoothly. At my gym, there are both official and unofficial rules. For instance, we are asked to use antiseptic spray when wiping down the equipment after use. The implication here is, of course, that we are also asked to wipe down the equipment in the first place. We are also asked not to tie up a piece of equipment for more than twenty minutes, so others have access to it. And we are asked not to rest on the machines, which is not an admonition to eliminate pauses between sets but, rather, a gentle request to not just sit on a machine for a long period of time without using it as one talks to a colleague or gets lost in reverie.

It is also understood, though not an official “rule,” that it is bad form to interupt someone else’s workout by trying to nudge them off a machine or other piece of equipment. Likewise, it would be considered bad form to tie up more than one machine at a time.

What all of these guidelines have in common is that they encourage those in practice to employ a bit of courtesy. Consequently, the weight room is a fundamentally civilized place to be. For the most part, folks get along.

It is a reminder that a bit of courtesy goes a long way.

There Are Good Days and There Are . . . Not as Good Days

Some days are good in the weight room. The machines and the free weights flow, one to another, and you accomplish your practice with ease. Even the machine on which you have just increased your weight seems relatively effortless. On other days, even the things you have been doing for months or years seem difficult, or some of them do. I know this is more than my personal experience because we trade notes on these things at the gym.

Is it biorhythms? Does it have to do with how much sleep we got the previous night, what we have eaten (or drank), or the massage we did or did no get a few days earlier? Who knows? It’s not a bad idea to sort it out, but no amount of sorting it out can always explain it.

The moon waxes and wanes. Our lives move more in a wave form than cyclically. Sometimes things are good. Sometimes they are not as good. The weight room reminds me of this. But would it be better if I were not actually in the weight room on those not so good days? I think not. Would life be better if we tried to cocoon ourselves from everything unpleasant? Not only do many forms of spiritual practice suggest that it wouldn’t be, life itself teaches us that life, in all its aspects, cannot be denied.

Without Superficial Distractions, People Get Along Naturally

We are all wearing one version or another of gym clothes in the weight room and, for the most part, that clothing is ubiquitous. It is not just not trendy, it is pretty much anti-trendy. There is something very useful about that. No, I am not suggesting we all go through our days wearing uniforms. I shudder at the thought. For me, how I put myself together is a form of self-expression, as well as a way in which I entertain myself. But one effect of the nondescript attire is that it cancels out socio-economic distinctions.

True, gender and racial differences are still obvious, as well as age and ethnic differences. But removing the trappings of status, class, and vocation has has an incredibly freeing effect–and a leveling effect. In the weight room, we are all just humans faced with the challenges provided by a collection of equipment and our relationships with that equipment. We may have wildly different goals–from training for competition to just trying to forestall the physical effects of aging–but we are all facing down the same equipment. There is a bond created by that and that bond is forged more easily because there are not the usual distractions of occupation, community standing, and financial status to intrude.

Is there something to be learned about individuals and nations getting along in the weight room? Is there the potential for that elusive sense of oneness? I think so. And I try to carry the reminder out into the rest of my life.

Copyright 2008 by Melanie Mulhall