More Life Lesson from the Weight Room

I want to thank everyone who commented on the last post. It confirmed my belief that life, itself, will tell us everything we need to know if we are just paying attention.

Here are a few more lessons from the weight room.

You Will Be Asked to Take Risks

For many years, I had a small clipping on my refrigerator that I had taken from a magazine. It read, The Only Risk is Not Taking One. No, I don’t do extreme sports. I have climbed a Fourteener or two (that’s shorthand for one of Colorado’s 14,000 ft. mountains), but I don’t make a habit of taking risks just for the sake of taking risks. But life itself is a risk and a well-lived life requires a willingness to take frequent, calculated risks, as well as some that feel like a trusting jump into the abyss.

Even getting to the weight room in the first place is a risk. I really didn’t know until I tried it if weight resistance training was something I would love enough to do consistently so I could have the stronger body I wanted. It was. And while I will not suggest for a moment that I have a body to envy, it is stronger thanks to the training. Every time I have tried something new at the gym or increased the weight on a machine or the free weights, it has been a risk. Can I do it? Will I hate it so much I’ll avoid it? Will I embrace it? Will I stick with it?

In the gym, there are trainers to help us and colleagues to encourage us. In the rest of life, there are those to teach and encourage us as well. But we have to take the first step. We have to be willing to take the risk.

Meditation Can Be Practiced Anywhere

The gym is a very meditative place for me. Yes, I do sitting meditation, as well as other forms and other activities I view as meditation–including my workout in the weight room. Counting repetitions is similar to repeating a mantra, though, admittedly, one without the spiritual underpinnings. Not every weight room session is meditative, but they often are. What makes it so meditative? Well, for one thing, it’s pretty quiet in the weight room. While there is always a certain amount of chatter, most folks are intent on their workouts. And by intent, I mean focused. My own experience is that of turning inward, concentrating on what I am doing in the present moment, and keeping that focus relatively narrow during the practice. And, yes, there is the counting of repetitions.

Am I suggesting that I am not engaged in thinking? No. Just as with other kinds of meditation, the mind continues to think and, just as with other forms of meditation, I just choose not to pay attention to it.

To be sure, one can enter a meditative state practically anywhere (so long as it is mindfulness meditation when we are doing things like driving a vehicle). The weight room is just one example.
Meditation happens.

A Bit of Courtesy Makes Everything Run More Smoothly

Gyms have rules meant to make things run smoothly. At my gym, there are both official and unofficial rules. For instance, we are asked to use antiseptic spray when wiping down the equipment after use. The implication here is, of course, that we are also asked to wipe down the equipment in the first place. We are also asked not to tie up a piece of equipment for more than twenty minutes, so others have access to it. And we are asked not to rest on the machines, which is not an admonition to eliminate pauses between sets but, rather, a gentle request to not just sit on a machine for a long period of time without using it as one talks to a colleague or gets lost in reverie.

It is also understood, though not an official “rule,” that it is bad form to interupt someone else’s workout by trying to nudge them off a machine or other piece of equipment. Likewise, it would be considered bad form to tie up more than one machine at a time.

What all of these guidelines have in common is that they encourage those in practice to employ a bit of courtesy. Consequently, the weight room is a fundamentally civilized place to be. For the most part, folks get along.

It is a reminder that a bit of courtesy goes a long way.

There Are Good Days and There Are . . . Not as Good Days

Some days are good in the weight room. The machines and the free weights flow, one to another, and you accomplish your practice with ease. Even the machine on which you have just increased your weight seems relatively effortless. On other days, even the things you have been doing for months or years seem difficult, or some of them do. I know this is more than my personal experience because we trade notes on these things at the gym.

Is it biorhythms? Does it have to do with how much sleep we got the previous night, what we have eaten (or drank), or the massage we did or did no get a few days earlier? Who knows? It’s not a bad idea to sort it out, but no amount of sorting it out can always explain it.

The moon waxes and wanes. Our lives move more in a wave form than cyclically. Sometimes things are good. Sometimes they are not as good. The weight room reminds me of this. But would it be better if I were not actually in the weight room on those not so good days? I think not. Would life be better if we tried to cocoon ourselves from everything unpleasant? Not only do many forms of spiritual practice suggest that it wouldn’t be, life itself teaches us that life, in all its aspects, cannot be denied.

Without Superficial Distractions, People Get Along Naturally

We are all wearing one version or another of gym clothes in the weight room and, for the most part, that clothing is ubiquitous. It is not just not trendy, it is pretty much anti-trendy. There is something very useful about that. No, I am not suggesting we all go through our days wearing uniforms. I shudder at the thought. For me, how I put myself together is a form of self-expression, as well as a way in which I entertain myself. But one effect of the nondescript attire is that it cancels out socio-economic distinctions.

True, gender and racial differences are still obvious, as well as age and ethnic differences. But removing the trappings of status, class, and vocation has has an incredibly freeing effect–and a leveling effect. In the weight room, we are all just humans faced with the challenges provided by a collection of equipment and our relationships with that equipment. We may have wildly different goals–from training for competition to just trying to forestall the physical effects of aging–but we are all facing down the same equipment. There is a bond created by that and that bond is forged more easily because there are not the usual distractions of occupation, community standing, and financial status to intrude.

Is there something to be learned about individuals and nations getting along in the weight room? Is there the potential for that elusive sense of oneness? I think so. And I try to carry the reminder out into the rest of my life.

Copyright 2008 by Melanie Mulhall

Life Lessons from the Weight Room

If I’m paying attention, everything in life validates what I already know, teaches me something new, or advises me on some issue I have at the moment. The weight room at my gym is no exception. While I have been a runner for many years (though I run neither as far nor as fast as I once did), I have only been doing weight resistence training for a little under three years. During that time, the equipment and free weights have had their way with me, using their unique language to remind me of some very important things about life. Here are a few.

Beginner’s Mind Makes All the Difference

Adventure often means being willing to return to beginner’s mind. Among other things, that requires a willingness to make a fool out of yourself as you try something new. We adults have mastered enough things over time that it can be disconcerting to stumble, bumble, and otherwise be a novice.

My first day at the gym, I wisely had a session with a trainer. Jay (Jay Willy, something of a living legend in Broomfield, Colorado) showed me how to use enough pieces of equipment to get me started. He even took notes on the settings. Of course, when I returned for my next visit, I couldn’t make much sense out of the notes and spent some time at each piece of equipment, just staring at it, as if staring would reveal its secrets. It took some time before it became second nature. Before it did, I got to experience the thrill and challenge of being consciously incompetent at something. It’s humbling. It’s also exciting. And it’s how we learn.

Showing Up is Half of It

I get up very early on the mornings I go to the gym. I run, return home and record the dreams I’ve had during the night, meditate, and then pull myself together enough to get to the gym, work out for an hour, and get home before many people have begun their work days. Some of the people in my life think this is an admirable routine and others think I’m crazy. I know that I’m not doing anything special. I’m just showing up for life.

In truth, I could easily talk myself out of the run, the gym, the meditation, and the journaling if I allowed myself to think about the work involved or the time these things take. Instead, I just show up. It all falls into place once I’ve done that. Any of the elements of my early morning routine may be difficult or easy that particular day, but once I’ve shown up and am in the process of doing them, there is momentum to carry me through. Showing up is really half the battle.

Form is Important

It is true that form follows function, but that doesn’t mean form is unimportant. At the gym, form is critical. Use a piece of equipment without attention to form and, at best, you will simply not work the muscle group you are trying to work. At worst, you will injury yourself.

Fortunate for me, Jay is often in the weight room when I am. Even though I only schedule a session with him once in a blue moon, he keeps an eye on me and my form, gently correcting me when I am a bit off. Staying in form requires vigilence. Caring about form is something else again. I often see men and women (men more often than women) applying incredible weight and losing form. They grimmace. They power through. And they may not actually be accomplishing as much as they think. They may look tough, but when the form is off, there is a great deal of waste to the effort.

Consistency Matters

If it is a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’m usually at the gym. I’m willing to make sacrifices in other areas of my life to manage that (like going to bed on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday nights at roughly the time a six year old would). I am consistent. Some people call it disciplined. I sometimes call it persistent. Whatever you call it, it is easier to show up when you decide you are going to do it on a regular basis.

Consistency is related to, but not the same as, showing up. Showing up gets you there on any particular day. Consistency gives you a plan for showing up. Consistency turns a concept into an ongoing practice. And, at the gym as well as in many other life experiences, mastery requires ongoing practice.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but if I were not consistent in my practice, I would never make those small but meaningful gains in strength. Instead, I would begin to develop strength, lose what I have begun when I dropped out of the practice a while, and have to start over when I came back to it.

Interestingly, it is actually easier to be consistent than sporadic. And the gains come from the consistency.

You Can Talk About it or You Can Do It

I have met some wonderful, inspiring men and women at the gym and I always look forward to seeing them. That doesn’t mean I spend half of my time at the gym chatting. On the contrary, the time I spend on weight resistence machines and with free weights is darned near aerobic because I am very focused.

There is pausing between sets and there is killing time. I’m friendly with my fellow weight trainees, but I don’t use other people to avoid working out. It would be easy to do that and I see folks talking themselves right out of their workouts on a regular basis.

As with almost anything else in life, we can plan, posture, and circle around things endlessly or we can do them. We can talk about what we plan to do ad nauseam or we can do what we plan. I don’t want to get to the end of my life and realize that I spent it thinking and talking about the grand things I wanted to do instead of putting one foot in front of the other and actually doing those things.

So . . . those are just a few of the things the gym has shown me. Have I perfected the learning? Hardly! I’m still a pilgrim going down the road. And I translate those learnings to other areas of my life better in some places than others.

But tomorrow is Monday, which means another opportunity to learn something about myself and life at the gym. And you can bet I’ll be there. Look for me in the weight room of the Paul Derda Recreation Center in Broomfield, Colorado at about 6 a.m. I’ll be the very short, aging but determined woman who looks like she means business.

Taking the Time to Recharge Your Creativity

In my last post, I commented on how we use time and how it relates to living the dream and maintaining harmony in our lives. Not long afterward, a colleague sent me an email that kept my pondering on that subject going–but in a somewhat new direction.

My colleague (who I will call Al, because I haven’t asked him if he minds my using his name) is something of an expert on the subject of creativity. Al has been studying it and writing on the subject for a number of years. In May, Al took a trip he had wanted to take for many years. He would soon turn sixty and decided he’d waited long enough to make the journey.

Did he go to an exotic place? Well, yes and no. It depends on what you think of as exotic. But anyone who has found herself on Chicago’s Lake Shore Drive on a Saturday night will probably admit that it is exotic enough for most of us!

Al made an art and architecture trip to Chicago. He started with with the Edward Hopper exhibit at the Art Institute, went on to explore Frank Lloyd Wright’s home and studio, and explored all things deco and nouveau. He found it somewhat disconcerting to discover that Marshall Fields is now Macy’s and that Carson, Pirie, Scott is closed. He was happy, though, that Macy’s had the good sense to keep the original name plates intact on the building and that he could still see the Louis Sullivan ornamental iron trim at the edge of the scaffolding on the old Carson’s building.

He had a great time. He likened it to a mythic journey. He took so many photographs that he was still taking them in his dreams when he returned and emailed me to tell me about the trip.

Al was rejuvenated, inspired, and in creative overdrive as a result of that trip. And his journey is instructive.

If we want rich, full, creative lives, we have to surrender to where life wants to take us sometimes. Life wanted to take Al to Chicago. (That last sentence makes me want to whip out an old Fenton Robinson CD and play “Going to Chicago, ” or, at the very least, burst into song, myself.) Al was smart enough to allow the excuse of his impending sixtieth birthday to lead him there. He has enough material for his studies and writing on creativity (both from the trip and from the creative juices it cranked up in him) to last for months.

Now that was a good use of time.

One last thing. Al told me that Edward Hopper made the following comment when asked about one of his last paintings, one of a light-drenched sun in an empty room: “I’m after ME.” Now isn’t that what living the dream is all about? Isn’t that what creative expression is all about? Isn’t that the best reason for doing anything that maybe takes us away from our hurly-burly lives?

I think so. What do you think?

Melanie

How Does Any of This Relate to Use of Time?

Helena Mariposa posted a comment on my “Life is Four-Part Harmony” post that inspired me to think about how we use our time and how that fits with living the dream and being in harmony with body, mind, spirit, and emotions.  And because there is really only one of us in the room anyway (as Marianne Williamson has been known to say), I received my weekly inspirational message from my friend, Tom LaRotonda (http://www.corematters.com), within minutes of seeing Helena’s post and thinking about some of the issues with how we use time. Tom’s email inspiration was complementary to my thinking.

I have set and accomplished goals in my life and have found goal setting to be a useful practice, particularly when I keep my energy open to possibilities not originally part of the goal or planning around it. And, as the author of the book Helena has referred to seems to suggest, goals and use of time are–or should be–related. For instance, when I had the goal of writing my first book (Living the Dream–A Guidebook For Job Seekers And Career Explorers), accomplishing it required me to think of that goal and include it when I thought about how best to use my time. While my writing style is not as regimented as some authors I know (many, actually), linking the goal to the use of my time helped me actually finish and publish the book.

It did not, however, take over my life. And that is the risk in over-planning the use of time. Now I know that many people would not make it through the day and retain their sanity if they did not have their time planned out with some discipline, and even precision. And I have enormous sympathy for what the pace of life today does to us. But I don’t want to forget how important the simple daily encounters and frequent disruptions to my plans can be when it comes to living my own dream, helping others live theirs, and making a difference in the lives of people I may never know I have touched.

And that is where my friend, Tom LaRotonda, comes in. Tom wrote, in his piece titled “Your Life Makes a Difference,” that whenever we touch another’s life by listening to them and telling them we appreciate them, we are making a difference in the world. We are, in fact, changing the world, he purports. I not only agree with him, I have seen it operate in my own life.

Two days ago, I received a call from a woman I hadn’t heard from in several years. I knew her in a former (corporate) life and reconnected with her several years after stepping out of that life. I helped her with some career matters at that time and stayed in touch as I could. She was calling me to tell me how important all of that had been to her and, in fact, continued to be. I remember when we reconnected, years earlier, and if I had not been paying attention (not just with my eyes and ears, but with my heart), I might have exchanged a few words with her and that would have been the end of it. In fact, I was busy at the time and easily could have let my own concerns distract me from the heart message. I’m sure I have actually done that, again and againg, and I’m happy I didn’t do it that day.

And this all reminds me of one of the most riveting experiences I have ever had as I have attempted to navigate living the dream, living in harmony, and how I use time. I was at the Carmelite monastery in Crestone, Colorado–Nada Hermitage and the Spiritual Life Institute. It is one of my favorite places (and one I am feeling pulled to again, of late). I checked out some tapes from the monastery’s considerable library and one of the tape sets was the monastery’s own Sister Sharon Doyle speaking on leisure. (That’s leisure in the medieval sense of the word, meaning “stillness.”)

Sister Sharon commented on how busy the lives of the monks at the hermitage was and how often they were so wrapped up in getting things done that they did not take the time to just be with one another. Wasting time with one another was how she put it and it was a good way to say it because we are so enculturated in our society to not waste time. She believed that taking the time to waste time with one another was important.

I was stunned by her comments because my rather innocent image of monks and monastery life at the time was one of simplicity, unrushed doing, plenty of time for being, a healthy dose of communing with nature, and, of course, plenty of time to be with the Divine. And I thought to myself that if the monks at this (and other) monasteries were having as much trouble with time as the rest of us, the world was surely going to you-know-where in a handbasket.

I am still stunned by the thought, though I have a great deal more understanding about the issues than I did then. (Sister Sharon’s reference to Walter Kerr’s wonderful book, The Decline of Pleasure, and Peeper’s great work sent me off on a delicious inquiry that has never really ended.)

As we explore what it means to live the dream and live life with four-part harmony, as we explore how we set goals and use time as part of that, I, for one, am going to remind myself–frequently–that we make a difference in simple ways that have profound impact and taking the time to listen, be with another, and really be present with life matters as much as the pursuit of any goal.

Harmony? Where do I Start?

Life is definitely a four-part harmony built on mind, body, spirit, and emotions, but if your life feels anything but harmonious at the moment, where do you start? Many of us are over-stressed, over-burdened, over-committed, overweight . . . and too overwhelmed to know how to get over all those things.

I’m going to suggest something so radical it’s simplicity might get lost in the tsunami of emotions it is likely to evoke in the reader: start by getting more sleep. Why start with sleep? Because it impacts almost everything else.

Before I say one more word, I want to insert a caveat. If you are the parent of a newborn child, I know you’re already groaning and throwing things at the computer. On the other hand, if you’re the parent of a newborn child, you’re probably not reading this anyway! If you actually are reading this blog, you get a buy on this one. Someday you may get a good night’s sleep again, but it might not be anytime soon and the smell of your baby’s skin probably brings you back into harmony faster than most people can pull off with a week of meditation. I’m not talking about you.

The rest of us, though, may need a reminder to get a decent night’s sleep.

Science is finally catching up with what many of us have known experientially for years: we eat more and we eat less healthfully if we don’t get enough sleep. Ever had a craving for junk food after pulling an all-nighter in college or at the office? If so, you know what I mean. If you are out of harmony with your body and one part of that is food related, you are not easily going to find that harmony if you are routinely sleep deprived.

Want a clear head and emotions that don’t careen all over the highway of your inner being? Get enough sleep. Executives and entrepreneurs just might be the worst perpetrators of self-inflicted sleep deficit (excepting those new parents) and it is scary to think about the effects. Even Harvard Business Review is hip to this problem. The October, 2006 issue featured an insightful article titled “Sleep Deficit: The Performance Killer.” That article was the result of a conversation with Harvard Medical School professor, Charles A. Czeisler, who is one of the world’s leading experts on the biology of sleep. Czeisler had a great many things to say on the subject of sleep deprivation, but one of the most rivetting was his belief that the level of sleep deprivation endorsed by and even expected of companies for their people (particularly managers) impairs those people, over time, every bit as much as intoxication would. Yikes! What are we doing to ourselves?

Want spiritual harmony? Well, one thing I advocate (and practice) to help get there is meditation. But if you are falling asleep every time you sit down to meditate–because you are too sleep deprived to do anything else–you are not going to reap the benefits for which you sat down to meditate in the first place. 

The folks are legion who will argue that they just plain have too much going on in their lives to get more sleep. But both efficiency and effectiveness suffer if you are sleep deprived. Getting enough sleep is foundational to amassing the energy you need to live life at full throttle. 

Think you get enough sleep? Many people who are sleep deprived do. You might not be one of them but, then again, you just might be. Here is a question to help you determine where you fall on this. It may not be the acid test, but it will provide some clues. Do you need an alarm clock to awaken?

If so, consider the possibility that you might need more sleep. Start there and you will be striking the right chord to play a four-part harmony life.

Melanie  

Life is a Four-Part Harmony

One of my client-friends is confronting the issue of balance in his life at the moment. Living authentically and walking his talk is important to him. He is writing a book to help people live their dreams consciously, with purpose and with abundance, so he is sensitized to his own process.

Balance is a trickly thing for those of us focused on living our dreams. The image that comes to mind for some of you might be of someone perched on a highwire, teetering and trying to avoid falling off. Others may get the image of scales, the sides perfectly–or not so perfectly–balanced.

There is nothing wrong with either of those images, but I prefer to use the word “harmony” as many people use the word “balance.” Why? Because balance often implies portions in equal buckets (like those scales) or  the threat of crashing and burning (like falling off that highwire). Harmony suggests something quite different: a congruent and pleasing arrangement of parts.

I believe that life is a four-part harmony comprised of body, mind, spirit, and emotions and that all of these components have a being and a doing quality. My client-friend has discovered in himself a tendency to over-do, to plunge forward with activity, sometimes at the expense of his health, well-being, and . . . yes, at the expense of maintaining harmony of mind, body, spirit, and emotions. He is consciously attending to the being side of all four, as well as the doing side. In doing so, what I am witnessing from the outside is a period of amazing transformation in him.

Living the dream is about four-part harmony: attending to it, making it a priority, and being conscious about both the being and the doing sides of each one of the four components. I don’t suggest it is always easy, but the experience of harmony is delicious enough to bring you back, again and again. And, in the end, everything seems to flow easier in harmony.

What’s your experience?

 

So what is living the dream, anyway?

Andi O’Conor has commented that living the dream is a great contemplation. I agree . . .  and we could spend the rest of our lives contemplating it and living the results!

Andi has asked how we identify what is most precious and dear to our hearts. In doing so, I think she has identified what “living the dream” means to her. It’s a pretty good definition, too.

For me, living the dream means a couple of things. Perhaps above all else, it means doing what I came to Planet Earth to do. Second, it means enjoying the journey, itself. Either of those things could be a lengthy blog post, in and of themselves. Andi has posed a couple of other thoughtful questions, too.

But for now, I would love to hear what is evoked in the readers of and participants in this blog when they hear or see the words, living the dream.

Melanie

A Little Housekeeping

I want to thank all of my Boulder Media Women friends for their posts on my nascent Blog. Many of the women in this group have blogs of their own. You can track them down through www.bouldermediawomen.com.

More than one person has commented on my banner. This is the logo on my business cards and on my web site, www.thedragonheart.com. I collaborated with a great designer, Judy Gardner, on it.

Kathy Lefwich commented on the thousands of blogs out there and pointed out that they can be a form of mental masturbation (she’s quoting another BMW member here, so neither of us will take credit for that phrase). I appreciate the comment because it directly relates to why I have taken so long to get into the blogging community with my own. I want to avoid the kind of self-indulgence that, I think, is what Kathy is referring to. To do that, I encourage others to pipe up here and be heard.

It’s all about living the dream!

We are all living the dream. Whether your dream is a beautiful one or a nightmare is entirely up to you! But what does that mean and how do we go about living a beautiful dream, anyway? I hope to explore exactly that in this blog. Come join me!